11:53 a.m. [2002-10-30]

Belonephobia, I guess it's called.

No one seems to understand how difficult this problem is unless they too 'suffer' from it. 'Suffer' isn't even the weakest word to describe it.

Needles, I guess, are symbolic to me as being a model of insecurity. They are traditionally the icon of danger to younger children. I, like them, attempt to escape needles in any way possible.

When I read news about how a suicide bomber killed however many people, I feel horrible. Especially when I'm so caught up with being terrified of needles. But I can't control it, and that's what many people don't understand.

This fear, according to many reputable medical sites, is supposedly caused by some tramatic doctor visit event in early childhood. What I want to know, is what the hell happened that I would end up being such a basket case when I'm 18.

And, to make it clear, I'm not afraid of pain. Just needles. The sight of needles on TV or whatever just gets to me. Even thinking about them makes me sick.

My dad suggested therapy (like I said, I'm a basket case when it comes to this subject) but all I could imagine was a doctor in a creepy office holding a needle saying, "Now, you have to get over this fear," as I climb and dig my nails into the wall trying to escape.

Anyway, life's ok. Not good, not bad, like in the middle.

OTHER OCCURENCES:
:Ugh, wisdom teeth
:Goin to the c-store
:I want to go home...though I know my dad'll just lecture me on the whole needle thing
:I'm so tired and bored of classes...even English now
:Blinky's louder. Smooch smooch!