10:56 p.m. [2003-03-30]

Yes I took down the pixelating images of Donnie...I figured they took up loading time, and...I guess I just needed a change. I even feel like redesigning the entire journal...but to what? I don't know.

I've been at a total lack of expression in my writing lately, and I've come to blame that on my lack of emotional turmoil and pain. It only seems I can write well when I feel like crap. Like right now I'm just putting whatever comes to my mind. And do you find it important? Interesting? Naaaaaaaaah.

But I do plan on writing down all my strange apocolyptic dreams so I can maybe make something of them. I've come to understand them and appreciate them, in fact I yearn to catch a glimpse of their comforting scenery. If you knew what I was talking about, you would think I'm crazy. They are chaotic, sometimes disturbing...but ultimately challenging and intriguing. Incredibly fun.

These, in fact, have lead me to figure the difference between the dream life and the waking life...sometimes I can't even tell. When I'm 'awake' I wonder if I'm really still awake or still dreaming. I guess it's because I don't ask those question when I'm supposedly asleep. Maybe there is no difference and I'm just leading two lives. Or maybe I'm seeing what 'was', or what will be, and what I'll have to survive though. Sadly, I hope it's the second...I'm bored and my dreams are better than my waking life. *sigh* crazy, huh? Yep...