6:38 p.m. [2002-08-10]

About a year ago I was certain I was going to be a Marine serving the U.S. I had everything planned out: I was going to attend NROTC (navy) in college for 4 years. Learn all the training, get educated for free, everything like that. In return, I would sign a contract literally giving myself over to the armed forces.

This was all before I saw the recruiting officer.

The day I went in the Springhill mall recruiting office, the Marines were late. I guess they forgot about me. So I had to sit around with the creepy army guys. Time passes and finally two lieutenants (I think they were...or captains) took me into their office.

They asked me questions, and reverse. Later one of my questions was: "I have a cataract in my left eye...will that be a problem?" and the recruit had no idea what that was.

"A cataract is a painless, cloudy area in the lens of the eye. A cataract blocks light from reaching the nerve layer (retina) at the back of the eye." My cataract is a congenital cataract...meaning I've had it all my life and got it from birth. Usually when this happens, the mother had some sort of flu or cold; the virus causes the cataract. There were not many safe ways of extracting a cataract 18 years ago. Now congenital cataracts can be removed up to 3 months after the baby is born (whohoo for technology!) However, alas in my case. Even if my cataract is removed my vision might still remain the same and I have the chance of the cataract regenerating...AND the chance of permanently losing my left eye vision.

So, you see, although I was in tears on my way home from the recruiting office (they rejected me on the basis of the cataract...I was fine in any other physical or mental way), I now feel blessed that I was given a second chance to think everything over before signing anything. Signing my body over to science prematurely. Who knows. Really though I now think about these wars and conflicts.

These holy wars...everything around us now. How when the nuclear bomb went off in the movie 'Independence Day' the President apologized: "May our children forgive us." No way. But maybe chaos is the answer. Maybe everyone would forget their trances and learn the meaning of life and we'd all be bored.

I'm glad I'm not in a philosophy class next year...english 108 here I come...

I'm a schmen again! Whohoo...